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Sloppy seconds served up

Your best mate. He's great, isn't he. He and his girlfriend. Oh, god, his girlfriend. As much as you love your mate, you'd betray him in a second if she gave you the chance. If only they'd break up! But if they did, you'd have to move fast, she'd get snapped up in a second. Of course, you'd see it on Facebook; but you don't check it very often, do you, and by the time you clocked it rivals would have piled in with supportive messages on her page while you'd be left consoling your stupid mate. What you need is to know before anyone else does. If only you could be notified by email when your friends break up with their partners...

Ding! You're in luck, you depraved weirdo. The new Breakup Notifier facebook app has your jealous, lonely name on it. Sign up and you'll get an email just as soon as one of your friends changes their status from 'in a relationship' to 'single and ready to mingle'. One quick sympathetic text later, and - boom! - you're first in the queue to take him or her for drinks and the provision of crying-shoulders.

Who says the internet doesn't enhance your life...?

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